lately people seem to make me feel unimportant. and I feel unimportant today. hopefully, not tomorrow. but when they do it again, I’ll surely feel worthless again.

I have been walking on corridors and streets head down. and I feel like people seem to like it that way. maybe they don’t even notice me walking pass them. some even bump my shoulders and step on my foot and after realizing that there’s a person there, they eventually say “sorry”. I feel like an invisible person. no one can see me. no one can feel my presence.

not all of them disregard me though. there are some who bother to text me or call my name or seat beside me (or maybe because they could not change seat and sit with others whom they want to be beside with) or complement my hair clip or ask me what I want to buy in the cafeteria or my payment for the tricycle fare. they noticed me. (hurray.) I hope that they would still notice me tomorrow.

my friend/blockmate/dormmate went out of our dorm a few minutes ago without even bothering to say “goodbye” or to tell me where she is heading. maybe I look like a bed, or a chair, or a table, a thing which you wouldn’t want to say goodbye to because you might look like a lunatic.

my friends and I prepared a birthday celebration for the eighteenth birthday of a friend and we really tried our very best to please him. he was happy. very happy actually. but when he gave his “thank you’s” to us, he gave he’s very appreciative gestures to all the people there, except me. maybe it’s just me. but that was what I felt. it seemed like all had done a great job except Haizell who was just there. was she even there?

and when I asked a favor to a friend, he seemed to be not hearing anything. well it was an easy favor: just to have my pre-lab passed with his and others pre-lab because they are going there anyway. well, I just passed it myself anyway. atleast I don’t have to say “thank you” that seemed to be a lost phrase I have never ever heard for centuries.

I went to the church after my class today to make myself feel better. I prayed and asked for forgiveness if there are some things I’ve done wrong so that I wont blame others for making me feel unimportant, or maybe some things i did that triggered them to disregard me. I guess it didn’t help because I still feel unimportant.

I wanted to talk to somebody about my feelings. maybe someone can help me uplift myself. maybe that person would make me realize that it is just in my head, that people care for me and appreciate the things I do. but something always hinders me. realizing that it is just in my head would make me feel stupid, because I make little things such a big fuss. so I just chose to pour my feelings in a keyboard, in a monitor, which would not comment on my foolishness.

I chose to post this, not to make the persons (you) who might read this feel guilty of their (your) actions or to pity me or to look down on me, but to make them (you) realize that it isn’t “cool” to disregard people. it isn’t a little thing to forget to say “goodbye” or thank you”. it isn’t stupid or petty to show people that you really appreciate what they do. it isn’t a simple thing when you disregard the person sitting beside you, or in front of you, or behind you. for some, it really means something. for some, it’s a big thing. for some, it is the best expression of their worth and how you appreciate the things they do. for some who felt disregarded before, every gesture of appreciation counts.

and they feel unworthy and unimportant because he/she want you to notice that there is a person like her who care for you, and would make a simple things you do big stuffs. he/she feels worthless because people like you matter to him/her.

doing this first before doing our physics lab report is really satisfying. oh well.